On the Care and Feeding of the Self

I'm six weeks into a project that I hope will help me be a better person. It feels kind of funny to type that--I don't mean morally or ethically superior--I mean physically, emotionally, health-wise better. I'm in a Healthy Life Management program (aka Fat Camp) and a Cognitive Behavioral Group for Chronic Insomniacs. I track what I eat, how much I move, how much I sleep (or not) and my emotions about both. It's all a little narcissistic and exhausting at times. But my ultimate goal is to have more agency over the environmental factors that contribute to clinical depression. Since I've been in a major depression for a very long period of time it is important to figure out what I can do about it.
So I eat better, sleep more efficiently, monitor things and generally walk the dogs a lot more.
I feel like the six million dollar woman (and I should, the whole thing seems to cost about as much): we can rebuild her, we have the technology.

But really it is good. For many years now depression has made me its bitch. No amount of drugs or therapy has really changed that so it was time for a new approach. It's funny, in my classes we talk about virtual selves and virtual identities--yet I think those constructs are present for me whether any media or tech is involved or not. Not many of my students know "depression sheila"--or they don't know that they do. And my family doesn't know "scholar sheila." I think I value the people in my life who know my various selves and who value me all the same.