all my deepest darkest secrets were revealed long ago. If I were to reveal them anew I'm not certain I'd chose to do so online. Instead I meant this blog to be a place for mostly rambling prewriting. It is a trial-and-error effort.
Just like actual writing.
Yet I find my own personal stuff--the people I care about, places I love, images I want to retain--imprint themselves upon my writing even if I intend it to be academic. Why is this? Why can't I separate the personal from the professional or are those distinctions blurry for a reason?
I think it is interesting that we go along looking for something interesting in other people's lives, no matter how boring they are.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Monday, August 08, 2005
now it's real
i know it is blurry but this is my left hand wearing the new ring that Stephen gave me. It comes with a long-term commitment and some kind of ceremony but I am not too worried about those details just yet.
yay for me and Jasper and Winston! Who thought someone would want to marry us, what with the bathroom accidents, barking and constant worrying?!
Thursday, August 04, 2005
showtunes = torture
it turns out that traveling is generally more time-consuming and interesting than blogging. perhaps it has an intangible instant gratification that writing a really good post lacks?
July turned into a busy month. Lots of writing, seeing people, crashing a car, getting engaged, etc. i'm hoping that august proves to be less eventful. although next week i have to drive to erie to have dinner with my dad and "hawaiian brother" (only i would go to erie to eat with someone who lives in hawaii.
che sera sera.
or whatever.
am still writing on mobility and gaming and also working on the 70s game console chapter. The esteemed Anne F. thinks I should be sending it to publishers so that is another goal for this month.
Stephen just killed a bat that got into the house, was terrorized by the cats and injured by one cat. i contributed by acting like a lunatic and turning on all the lights and the showtunes digital radio channel from cable.
i mean, if andrew lloyd webber can't disrupt sonar, who can?
July turned into a busy month. Lots of writing, seeing people, crashing a car, getting engaged, etc. i'm hoping that august proves to be less eventful. although next week i have to drive to erie to have dinner with my dad and "hawaiian brother" (only i would go to erie to eat with someone who lives in hawaii.
che sera sera.
or whatever.
am still writing on mobility and gaming and also working on the 70s game console chapter. The esteemed Anne F. thinks I should be sending it to publishers so that is another goal for this month.
Stephen just killed a bat that got into the house, was terrorized by the cats and injured by one cat. i contributed by acting like a lunatic and turning on all the lights and the showtunes digital radio channel from cable.
i mean, if andrew lloyd webber can't disrupt sonar, who can?
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
left coast
i've been working on my handheld gaming article and also on the 1970s home gaming book chapter.
i've also been getting lots of sun, checking out new places (or new to me) and seeing old friends here in laguna beach and other southern california places.
i'm also trying to get things started for my fall courses and for videogame class too. i may try and get an interview at Blizzard Entertainment, the world of warcraft people. i figure they owe me one boyfriend at the very least.
i think that's about it for this morning. except maybe for a photograph.
Friday, July 08, 2005
back on track
so the blog here has been quiet for good reasons. mainly it is because i moved and, in packing up my worldy belongings (again) and that makes me cry a lot and get completely overwhelmed.
this kind of thing rarely leads to solid writing or research. now i'm enjoying my reward and, as luck would have it, the writing is happening again. i think it is one of those things you have to be careful with and take care of. It is so easy to stop writing and, once stopped, painful to start again. but now, i'm in california--laguna beach--and writing again while looking at the ocean and being in the sun and being near friends. it is amazing how huge a difference those things make.
i began to think that perhaps the reason i find ann arbor unsatisfying is because i don't find it intellectually stimulating. maybe i am not in the right loop there. but i miss art and popular culture and good local radio. and a world that is bright and moving at a brisk clip.
and yes, i feel that energy in orange county and i feel faster, lighter. i breathe more deeply despite the haze and smog. i smell the ocean. and know i'm home.
or in the place that most feels like home even though i don't live here anymore.
and the book progresses at its own pace. but at least its back on pace.
this kind of thing rarely leads to solid writing or research. now i'm enjoying my reward and, as luck would have it, the writing is happening again. i think it is one of those things you have to be careful with and take care of. It is so easy to stop writing and, once stopped, painful to start again. but now, i'm in california--laguna beach--and writing again while looking at the ocean and being in the sun and being near friends. it is amazing how huge a difference those things make.
i began to think that perhaps the reason i find ann arbor unsatisfying is because i don't find it intellectually stimulating. maybe i am not in the right loop there. but i miss art and popular culture and good local radio. and a world that is bright and moving at a brisk clip.
and yes, i feel that energy in orange county and i feel faster, lighter. i breathe more deeply despite the haze and smog. i smell the ocean. and know i'm home.
or in the place that most feels like home even though i don't live here anymore.
and the book progresses at its own pace. but at least its back on pace.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
blog politics
I heard a story last night on radio (The World) about censorship and blogs. I guess MSN's blogging service, MSN Space, is complying with Chinese government censors to block blog posts with titles that contain words like freedom, democracy, Taiwan, Falun Gong, etc. Boing Boing has a good article on it (can't believe that Boing Boing is still around!). I think one of the more frightening aspects of this trend, in which corporations like Microsoft and Google cooperate with local governments, is how local "community standards" are impacting the globally published writing that happens on blogs. Who sets those standards? Governments? Does it matter when the government setting the standard is not democratic and its constituents don't have a voice in setting those standards? Besides that, how "smart" is the software that monitors blog posts? Maybe our panoptics are a bit off?
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
hummingbirds
Did you know that a hummingbird consumes half its weight in nectar every day? I learned this when I got my feeder yesterday. It seems that the garden I have been working so hard on lately actually attracts hummingbirds. This is more by chance than by design. I'm waging a war against weeds too in the most organic way possible, but that's another story involving too much shade, burrs and mosquitos. Here are some photos from the garden--or links to a Flick'r album of photographs of my garden.
Writing went well yesterday--I got a lot done. We took dinner over to Jennifer's and Brian's place and Stephen got to meet the baby. Today I meet with the college computer folks and I hope to resolve yet more laptop problems. Then more writing and trying to keep up the pace.
Writing went well yesterday--I got a lot done. We took dinner over to Jennifer's and Brian's place and Stephen got to meet the baby. Today I meet with the college computer folks and I hope to resolve yet more laptop problems. Then more writing and trying to keep up the pace.
Monday, June 13, 2005
production, distribution, exhibition
I'm thinking this might be one way of organizing the Digital Theory course. I already have 8 major points of significance in new media--stuff like...
• Do it yourself, document yourself
• Wireless/WiFi
• Surveillance
• Distance/proximity
• Ubiquitous computing
• Gaming
• Cryptography
• Audio/Video & peer-to-peer
But if I add in a layer that organizes things around production, distribution, exhibition I might be able to emphasize continuities with traditional media industries as well as point out the new of new media. I was thinking the other day that it might be fun to write something called "When New Media was New"--a play upon Carolyn Marvin's When Old Technologies Were New.
I went to Erie this weekend. Visited with Dad and Grandma. She's pretty active for a 91 year old. Had a few moments while driving where I wished I was writing b/c such good stuff pops into the brain while in the car. Erie is the same as always--I saw some kind of fire in the woods on Saturday night and that was interesting. I brought back a big chunk of the birch tree from my father's front yard. It fell down in a storm a few months ago. As a child I used to sit up in this tree, which had three trunks. Now I have all that is left of one of the trunks. I hope to seal it and make a stool from it.
This week the goal is to make some serious progress on my chapter and also move forward with my Unlimited Minutes essay. That one is due to the anthology editors in July. Today is a writing/research day.
• Do it yourself, document yourself
• Wireless/WiFi
• Surveillance
• Distance/proximity
• Ubiquitous computing
• Gaming
• Cryptography
• Audio/Video & peer-to-peer
But if I add in a layer that organizes things around production, distribution, exhibition I might be able to emphasize continuities with traditional media industries as well as point out the new of new media. I was thinking the other day that it might be fun to write something called "When New Media was New"--a play upon Carolyn Marvin's When Old Technologies Were New.
I went to Erie this weekend. Visited with Dad and Grandma. She's pretty active for a 91 year old. Had a few moments while driving where I wished I was writing b/c such good stuff pops into the brain while in the car. Erie is the same as always--I saw some kind of fire in the woods on Saturday night and that was interesting. I brought back a big chunk of the birch tree from my father's front yard. It fell down in a storm a few months ago. As a child I used to sit up in this tree, which had three trunks. Now I have all that is left of one of the trunks. I hope to seal it and make a stool from it.
This week the goal is to make some serious progress on my chapter and also move forward with my Unlimited Minutes essay. That one is due to the anthology editors in July. Today is a writing/research day.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
miracle of life (high speed version)
So I doubt I'm going to get much writing done tomorrow--Jennifer had her baby tonight! And let me just say it loud: My friend is Brave, Strong and Amazing! I saw her go through contractions for a couple of hours and she barely batted an eyelash.
I got the call to come over and stay with Auggie (her three year old) at 4:30. I got here a bit after 5pm. Jennifer and Brian left for the hospital shortly after 7pm. Brian called at 9:41 to say the baby was born at 9:25 pm. It's now 12:30 am and I'm expecting to hear more soon (like a name, birth weight, when they'll be home, etc.). But it is exciting. Steve came with me for the first several hours. We even left for about 45 minutes to get dinner across the street! But Jennifer was cool as a cucumber through it all. I'm guessing most women would have been at the hospital hours earlier.
so there it is. and it has nothing to do with the book.
I got the call to come over and stay with Auggie (her three year old) at 4:30. I got here a bit after 5pm. Jennifer and Brian left for the hospital shortly after 7pm. Brian called at 9:41 to say the baby was born at 9:25 pm. It's now 12:30 am and I'm expecting to hear more soon (like a name, birth weight, when they'll be home, etc.). But it is exciting. Steve came with me for the first several hours. We even left for about 45 minutes to get dinner across the street! But Jennifer was cool as a cucumber through it all. I'm guessing most women would have been at the hospital hours earlier.
so there it is. and it has nothing to do with the book.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Zoning Out
Okay, this post is going to start off-topic just a little bit. I've been thinking about "zoning out" a lot lately. Stick with me here. What I mean is that I'm interesting in how willful suspension of disbelief, in tandem with a willful suspension of critical/intellectual engagement actually produces a kind of media knowledge.
Say you go see a movie that is more of a ride than a film (see Bukatman, Matters of Gravity). The narrative and plot are virtually non-existent. Yet the experience is thrilling on a sensory and bodily level (see Sobchack, Carnal Thoughts). Isn't this a kind of knowledge? Moreover, this knowledge is specifically related to visuality and to experiences that address the subject as a body that sees, hears, feels.
It's traditional in critical humanities work for zoning out and for texts that call for it (i.e., The entire Matrix cycle of films, video games, certain genres that rely heavily on special effects and huge leaps of logic, experiences with a specific and diffuse notion of the gaze) to be looked down upon or disregarded as undeserving of critical inquiry. Yet perhaps this new aesthetic and specific reception experience requires a more kinesthetic approach? But I'd also argue that zoning out is linked to zoning in--that such an engagement enables one to develop a critical perspective linked to bodily experiences and sensations. And perhaps this more "base" is necessary for understanding these sorts of media experiences? I'm thinking here of Krauss and Bois' arguments about formlessness and the need to understand the horizontal aspects of modernist art history. Perhaps zoning out resituates how we zone back in?
Say you go see a movie that is more of a ride than a film (see Bukatman, Matters of Gravity). The narrative and plot are virtually non-existent. Yet the experience is thrilling on a sensory and bodily level (see Sobchack, Carnal Thoughts). Isn't this a kind of knowledge? Moreover, this knowledge is specifically related to visuality and to experiences that address the subject as a body that sees, hears, feels.
It's traditional in critical humanities work for zoning out and for texts that call for it (i.e., The entire Matrix cycle of films, video games, certain genres that rely heavily on special effects and huge leaps of logic, experiences with a specific and diffuse notion of the gaze) to be looked down upon or disregarded as undeserving of critical inquiry. Yet perhaps this new aesthetic and specific reception experience requires a more kinesthetic approach? But I'd also argue that zoning out is linked to zoning in--that such an engagement enables one to develop a critical perspective linked to bodily experiences and sensations. And perhaps this more "base" is necessary for understanding these sorts of media experiences? I'm thinking here of Krauss and Bois' arguments about formlessness and the need to understand the horizontal aspects of modernist art history. Perhaps zoning out resituates how we zone back in?
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Tunneling In
So I'm changing my work schedule into one hour work blocks rather than trying to work for three hours at a stretch. Hopefully I'll be more successful at this schedule than the last one.
As I do this I'm reminded of that horrible movie "The Core," which Steve and I watched back in February. In it, Hilary Swank, Aaron Eckhart and a bunch of disposable science-types (Stanley Tucci, Delroy Lindo) get in this frighteningly phallic ship to tunnel to the Earth's core in order to reset the planet's orbit (or some other equally improbable task). Of course on the way to the Core, the phallic ship encounters problems and needs repairs and disposable scientists die left and right. Then Hilary and Aaron save the planet and (aww) find true love. It's all very ridiculous in a blunt metaphor kind of way. If one goes in deeper and deeper, one gets to the middle of things and finds what is needed. Either that or some disturbing ride inside a giant penis that is penetrating the planet, layer by layer. South Park used the plot in the episode where Cartman saves the town from hippies. Same ship and everything.
So maybe writing is kind of like the movie? I just need to dig in, full tilt and not worry about huge gaps in logic or structure, just keep digging, at least for the time being.
Today's dig is another archaelogical expedition--more on TV and early game systems. Very 1970s.
As I do this I'm reminded of that horrible movie "The Core," which Steve and I watched back in February. In it, Hilary Swank, Aaron Eckhart and a bunch of disposable science-types (Stanley Tucci, Delroy Lindo) get in this frighteningly phallic ship to tunnel to the Earth's core in order to reset the planet's orbit (or some other equally improbable task). Of course on the way to the Core, the phallic ship encounters problems and needs repairs and disposable scientists die left and right. Then Hilary and Aaron save the planet and (aww) find true love. It's all very ridiculous in a blunt metaphor kind of way. If one goes in deeper and deeper, one gets to the middle of things and finds what is needed. Either that or some disturbing ride inside a giant penis that is penetrating the planet, layer by layer. South Park used the plot in the episode where Cartman saves the town from hippies. Same ship and everything.
So maybe writing is kind of like the movie? I just need to dig in, full tilt and not worry about huge gaps in logic or structure, just keep digging, at least for the time being.
Today's dig is another archaelogical expedition--more on TV and early game systems. Very 1970s.
Monday, May 30, 2005
M is for Meltdown
Yesterday I realized that it is possibly, perhaps even likely, that people might read this blog. Frankly it kind of freaked me out. With the exception of Moose-L (which has absolutely nothing to do with mooses, except that Tom is from New Hampshire), I am the kind of Internet user who rarely speaks up and makes her presence known. On Moose I am a bit of a loudmouth on occasion, rambling on about my personal and professional dramas. Then again, I know many of the moosers in person and have for some time. Even though I don't read everything posted and haven't for some time, even seeing a moose message is a welcome distraction from the rest of my work-related email. But I digress.
I almost panicked and took the blog down but then I forced myself not to do it. I mean, if the whole point is to de-lurk, don't I have to give that a bit of a shot? So if you are reading this I hope you aren't terribly bored or wondering where the funny is. It comes and goes.
Back to the M is for Meltdown bit. I am beginning to wonder if there is some deeper meaning to the portentious technological failures is my life. I seem to have a knack for destroying laptops, usually at times when having a laptop would be handy, useful or downright key to my productivity. And since I'm more of a girl than a geek I tend to only own one computer at a time, not having a working laptop poses problems. Two weeks ago I was typing away at a list of places I want to make sure I see when I am in southern California (like the Margaret Herrick, La Sirena, Pulp, Larchmont Beauty Center, MOCA, etc.). I decided I would go work in my office and be a productive person so I put the computer to sleep (as is my custom). As soon as I did I noticed a distinctive burnt metal smell and extra-hot laptop sensation. Of course when I tried to restart it, nothing happened, except me swearing and panicking a bit. Then I took the computer to the folks as LS&A IT, who immediately commented on its distinct aroma. They were actually quite great about fixing it, especially after the staff from CRLT called them on my behalf because the Teaching with Technology Institute was starting and I had a) no computer b) no access to any of my files b/c they were not backed up. Before you go clicking your tongue at my foolish lack of backups, please note that almost all my files had been moved to a folder named "May 2005 backup" and I was planning to pick up my new flash drive that had just arrived so I could perform the aforementioned backup.
Anyway, the IT people gave me an ibook loaner, which I had for most of the Teaching with Tech Institute thing. Then I got it back on the second to last day and I had to transfer everything as best I could from one laptop to another. Blah. This is hard to do when you only have access to one laptop at a time and when you have been importing movie files for several days in a row.
When I got my computer back it was like it had undergone some kind of computer sex change. Or personality change. Or something. It has a new case, new screen, new processor. The only way I could tell that it was my computer was that it had my greasy, food-trapped-underneath-in-unseemly-way keyboard. Even my kickass Rockstar sparkly sticker is gone. But at least it still runs and it is probably running better and happier now than it was before. I'm trying to be more careful with it and I'm going to order one of those venting laptop trays for it.
So why do I suspect that I suffer a Curse of Ill-Timed Laptop Death? My first laptop was a nifty and unexpected Powerbook Duo that Tom rescued for me and gave to me for Christmas sometime in the late 1990s. About a week after he gave it to me I tripped and stepped on its screen while grading finals.
Then there is my iBook, a lovely orange and white creamsicle of the computer that sits dormant on my desk at home. Steve just called it the Laptop of Fire, which it was one day in early 2003 when the AC adapter connection to the laptop caught on fire while I was using it. This was quite alarming. Unsuprisingly the computer itself stubbornly failed shortly after that and I still need to recover its hard drive since it holds pretty much all my grad school work and rough dissertation drafts (and I'm absolutely sure those will come in handy some day, right?) I just got a class action settlement thing from Apple the other day b/c I qualify to get some of the money I shelled out for AC adapters for my clamshell ibook back.
So, gentle reader, do laptops hate me? do they fail when I need them most? Is this a black pox upon my project?
ugh. whatever.
I almost panicked and took the blog down but then I forced myself not to do it. I mean, if the whole point is to de-lurk, don't I have to give that a bit of a shot? So if you are reading this I hope you aren't terribly bored or wondering where the funny is. It comes and goes.
Back to the M is for Meltdown bit. I am beginning to wonder if there is some deeper meaning to the portentious technological failures is my life. I seem to have a knack for destroying laptops, usually at times when having a laptop would be handy, useful or downright key to my productivity. And since I'm more of a girl than a geek I tend to only own one computer at a time, not having a working laptop poses problems. Two weeks ago I was typing away at a list of places I want to make sure I see when I am in southern California (like the Margaret Herrick, La Sirena, Pulp, Larchmont Beauty Center, MOCA, etc.). I decided I would go work in my office and be a productive person so I put the computer to sleep (as is my custom). As soon as I did I noticed a distinctive burnt metal smell and extra-hot laptop sensation. Of course when I tried to restart it, nothing happened, except me swearing and panicking a bit. Then I took the computer to the folks as LS&A IT, who immediately commented on its distinct aroma. They were actually quite great about fixing it, especially after the staff from CRLT called them on my behalf because the Teaching with Technology Institute was starting and I had a) no computer b) no access to any of my files b/c they were not backed up. Before you go clicking your tongue at my foolish lack of backups, please note that almost all my files had been moved to a folder named "May 2005 backup" and I was planning to pick up my new flash drive that had just arrived so I could perform the aforementioned backup.
Anyway, the IT people gave me an ibook loaner, which I had for most of the Teaching with Tech Institute thing. Then I got it back on the second to last day and I had to transfer everything as best I could from one laptop to another. Blah. This is hard to do when you only have access to one laptop at a time and when you have been importing movie files for several days in a row.
When I got my computer back it was like it had undergone some kind of computer sex change. Or personality change. Or something. It has a new case, new screen, new processor. The only way I could tell that it was my computer was that it had my greasy, food-trapped-underneath-in-unseemly-way keyboard. Even my kickass Rockstar sparkly sticker is gone. But at least it still runs and it is probably running better and happier now than it was before. I'm trying to be more careful with it and I'm going to order one of those venting laptop trays for it.
So why do I suspect that I suffer a Curse of Ill-Timed Laptop Death? My first laptop was a nifty and unexpected Powerbook Duo that Tom rescued for me and gave to me for Christmas sometime in the late 1990s. About a week after he gave it to me I tripped and stepped on its screen while grading finals.
Then there is my iBook, a lovely orange and white creamsicle of the computer that sits dormant on my desk at home. Steve just called it the Laptop of Fire, which it was one day in early 2003 when the AC adapter connection to the laptop caught on fire while I was using it. This was quite alarming. Unsuprisingly the computer itself stubbornly failed shortly after that and I still need to recover its hard drive since it holds pretty much all my grad school work and rough dissertation drafts (and I'm absolutely sure those will come in handy some day, right?) I just got a class action settlement thing from Apple the other day b/c I qualify to get some of the money I shelled out for AC adapters for my clamshell ibook back.
So, gentle reader, do laptops hate me? do they fail when I need them most? Is this a black pox upon my project?
ugh. whatever.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
outsourcing research tasks
today i'm meeting with my student Stephanie. I think she will eventually be graduate school bound. For now though I hope to discuss with her some research assistant opportunities. Maybe should could help me compile bibliographic materials? Or put together an archive of popular articles on gamers in sources like the NY TImes, Wall Street Journal, LA Times--tracing out what the characterizations are and when certain terms come into standard use.
If I can hire her I want to use her time wisely so it benefits the project and keep it compelling for her at the same time.
If I can hire her I want to use her time wisely so it benefits the project and keep it compelling for her at the same time.
Monday, May 23, 2005
multitasker
today is day three of Teaching with Technology and I'm already feeling like I'm both catching up and hopelessly behind.
Been thinking I need to clarify the connection between lurking and gaming. Obviously it is the user and the user's body but how can I theorize these two modes? Passivity and Interactivity, each is shot through the other? Both are kinesthetic and require specific bodily orientations. I need to trace out the history of interactive media a bit, maybe using Wilson's book and create a timeline that links passivity and interactivity together.
yes, that's the ticket. need to do some of my own writing this week, despite other obligations.
Been thinking I need to clarify the connection between lurking and gaming. Obviously it is the user and the user's body but how can I theorize these two modes? Passivity and Interactivity, each is shot through the other? Both are kinesthetic and require specific bodily orientations. I need to trace out the history of interactive media a bit, maybe using Wilson's book and create a timeline that links passivity and interactivity together.
yes, that's the ticket. need to do some of my own writing this week, despite other obligations.
Monday, May 16, 2005
My Video Game Class Project
Last week I attended a special seminar with Brenda Laurel. I'm still processing it. This week I go to the Teaching with Technology Institute. I'm upgrading my course materials with new course websites, new Powerpoint skills and figuring out all about grabbing media feeds and digitizing them.
The ultimate goal is to create an archive of video game examples that emphasize formal elements but do not contain gameplay from a set of key examples. Don't even get me started on what examples I'll use (games that are key and groundbreaking, games from a range of platforms and genres, games written about by academics, games key to gamers' histories of the medium, etc.). I want to build a DVD with still images, walkthroughs, advertising imagery, gameplay demos, etc. It won't be interactive but it will be a way to allow non-gamers and gamers to discuss concepts without macho posing and hyperopinionated, hyperverbal asocial behaviors to dominate the class.
I hope to duplicate some of these strategies for my other classes, especially Digital Media Theory and Intro to Digital Media.
We'll see what happens.
The ultimate goal is to create an archive of video game examples that emphasize formal elements but do not contain gameplay from a set of key examples. Don't even get me started on what examples I'll use (games that are key and groundbreaking, games from a range of platforms and genres, games written about by academics, games key to gamers' histories of the medium, etc.). I want to build a DVD with still images, walkthroughs, advertising imagery, gameplay demos, etc. It won't be interactive but it will be a way to allow non-gamers and gamers to discuss concepts without macho posing and hyperopinionated, hyperverbal asocial behaviors to dominate the class.
I hope to duplicate some of these strategies for my other classes, especially Digital Media Theory and Intro to Digital Media.
We'll see what happens.
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